Oh well, it’s been 2 months. Again and again…
In a split second… everything seems to be so real yet so virtual. It’s been like unceasing gyrations on a small round disk… it merely crash me if I refused to stay stop at a fix point and insisted to be innocent to step into the deep perilous hole where it seems to be so alluring though. It repeated exactly what happened at last year, still I thought I am strong enough to cope with the challenges and tough enough to deal with all sorts of distressing matters… nonetheless, it’s not as easy as saying or just plainly ‘think’ of all sort of methods to deal with in within your capability. I have no idea why those good feelings we had in the past were still compelling me to be certain of reassemble back the old days we shared, we devoted and we gradually built together even though it was not easy…
I regret what I did in past, how I wish there is a time machine that allows me to travel back to the prodigious moments where nothing is needed to be with us, just simply you and me and that’s practically more than anything I ever wanted so badly… I should not meet you lately because I knew I will be having rough time after seeing you, you are the only one that could vigorously affects my mood… an austere word of yours could merely does impact to me either it is going to be encouragement or the intolerable ones.
Sadly, I couldn’t tell how much I miss you, how hurtful those word you spoken to me… It is really tough and upset when someone’s pretending as there’s nothing happened before in between us. I hate the feeling of hiding something; certainly it is mendacious and spurious by doing so. In fact I have no choice and I can’t reveal the past feelings any longer where it appears to be so strong by continually connecting my emotion towards the incomprehensible matters.
All these while I have nothing to blame on but to myself, I hate myself by doing so – It’s been a while I have not experience discomfort and feeling uneasy, it makes me feel so numb to undergo such occurrence again. It’s been like a moment when I am in a bus ride, everything that I’ve seen from outside – the views, the entities and colors were gradually reflects me with different perspectives in life.
I guess it is not important anymore, I just can’t think of it someday I will be meeting you again and all these disoriented feelings are back to me and how am I supposed to deal with it again? The video on the bottom – didn’t we almost have it clearly describes how I felt, how the feeling connects me to an unexplainable state of affairs and one’s intense moment.
From today onward... I am...
