perplexed puzzles...

Oh well, it’s been 2 months. Again and again…

In a split second… everything seems to be so real yet so virtual. It’s been like unceasing gyrations on a small round disk… it merely crash me if I refused to stay stop at a fix point and insisted to be innocent to step into the deep perilous hole where it seems to be so alluring though. It repeated exactly what happened at last year, still I thought I am strong enough to cope with the challenges and tough enough to deal with all sorts of distressing matters… nonetheless, it’s not as easy as saying or just plainly ‘think’ of all sort of methods to deal with in within your capability. I have no idea why those good feelings we had in the past were still compelling me to be certain of reassemble back the old days we shared, we devoted and we gradually built together even though it was not easy…

I regret what I did in past, how I wish there is a time machine that allows me to travel back to the prodigious moments where nothing is needed to be with us, just simply you and me and that’s practically more than anything I ever wanted so badly… I should not meet you lately because I knew I will be having rough time after seeing you, you are the only one that could vigorously affects my mood… an austere word of yours could merely does impact to me either it is going to be encouragement or the intolerable ones.

Sadly, I couldn’t tell how much I miss you, how hurtful those word you spoken to me… It is really tough and upset when someone’s pretending as there’s nothing happened before in between us. I hate the feeling of hiding something; certainly it is mendacious and spurious by doing so. In fact I have no choice and I can’t reveal the past feelings any longer where it appears to be so strong by continually connecting my emotion towards the incomprehensible matters.

All these while I have nothing to blame on but to myself, I hate myself by doing so – It’s been a while I have not experience discomfort and feeling uneasy, it makes me feel so numb to undergo such occurrence again. It’s been like a moment when I am in a bus ride, everything that I’ve seen from outside – the views, the entities and colors were gradually reflects me with different perspectives in life.

I guess it is not important anymore, I just can’t think of it someday I will be meeting you again and all these disoriented feelings are back to me and how am I supposed to deal with it again? The video on the bottom – didn’t we almost have it clearly describes how I felt, how the feeling connects me to an unexplainable state of affairs and one’s intense moment. 

From today onward... I am...

disarrayed fragments which seems to be trifling at the moment...

It’s exactly a month just set off since the previous update. Well everything seems as more often than not; though, I’ve 'set up' few guidelines and principles for myself as I’ve enrolled into degree level 2, chosen computing forensic as my degree major for the upcoming 2years+.

Well I guess I’ve chosen this course due to my strong determinative personalities and an actual resilient intuitiveness that I had since I was young, I guess these skills deliberately develops the inner peculiar me well… nothing's extraordinary though…

It’s good to treat other people nicely in such a way you don’t really expect anything in return. In spite of this, certain people they tend to be taking others for granted and in a factual stack of ingots, they have forgotten everyone has their own predetermined limit.. it was merely wreck as they may not know it may consequence to one’s catastrophe once the limit’s outstripped and it could virtually reflects the actual irritability of a person towards to those irresponsible and inconsiderate wacky nuts. Think of it, just felt I’ve did so much and put my absolute devotions on organizing stuffs, treat everyone equally nice (P/S I am not saying myself as a nice person or an outstandingly charisma person, I entertain whoever who’s relevant and meant a lot to me, I sincerely treasured those who I found faithfulness and dependability which was veiled…(Not those who’s pretentiously fake and manipulative tho), and I tried my best to done almost everything in my capability as I promised to my friends, perhaps it’s really heartbreaking to look at people who just couldn’t see the importance of responsibility and taking others for granted. Never ever… and I meant it, Never ever taking people for granted, it’s really tiring to oversee the entities which seems to be the same, no changes upon few chances that has been given therefore I am bored with it – would never bother anymore… don’t you ever and ever condemned a statement as “you have changed, what’s happening to you… etc…”, you yourself knows better than that and I am utterly done with it, no doubt perhaps a few years ago promises meant nothing to me and I used to be taking people for granted, making empty promises etc.. as I have grown older, I learnt from the mistakes I made from the past and embrace mistakes as life’s lessons. Do figure it out by yourself.

Let’s talk about promises and reliabilities.
We make a promise upon our own competency; it’s unscrupulous to break promises as you may lead to one’s disappointment and losing trust on you. Do it by your own will, if you don’t want to proceed please do not make any empty promises. (Don’t do it just for the sake of the needs by temporarily entertaining someone or just for the sake of promising.) Reliability simply refers to the capability of something which unsurprisingly allows people to put hope in and depending on it to achieve better results or etc…  it’s easy to make promises to other people as you knew once you broke it it may…
I guess I should stop here and to those who’s relevant to these, do spend some time, think and try to figure it out by yourself. I said it because I meant it, not because I wanted a compliment in return and you’re no longer a kid you should know what you’re doing. I am not putting a blame on anyone who's related to what I mentioned, by right you should know better than this… (I do not want to waste my time by repeating …)

Do listen to this song, listen to lyric carefully, it’s meaningful to me and everyone I guess – that’s what friends are for. I adore and literally was impressed by these legendary artists - Whitney Houston, Dionne Warwick, Stevie Wonder, Luther Vandross, each of them was passionately singing such an evocative song and belted out those beautiful high notes where these notes instinctively connects our emotions to the song.
I will probably isolate myself for several weeks,  I guess I really need to calm myself and I do not want to bother anything at this moment which distresses me as I have to focus on... Think carefully, these small matters would eventually drowns you if you ...

A moment of - tenderness & pensiveness during...

Tender drops for this month:

Today was Christmas though- a memorable day to celebrate with family, friends and the loved ones. It wouldn’t surprise me if each and every year mummy will be cooking exactly the same dishes, decorating the house with the ordinary equipment with the lovely tree and most importantly, every one of us (my family member) shall not absent during the dinner. Well this year might be slightly different, my cousin brother and sister were held over to our place and celebrate x’mas together. It was a memorable one and I appreciate the gifts from friends, certainly there are not many as back to the previous years but I truly appreciate the consuetude of exchanging present during this holy season. Although there is no exact meaning by doing so, but I guess maybe I have grown up with such custody that reminds me the significant of…

Today was the last day of year 2011 and there were categorical trails and difficulties that I’ve been through all over the year. I would have to say this year could be the most transpiring period to me as there are so many remarkable matters (the cheerful ones, distressing ones and the unlikely ones) happened precariously within months…

One's...predetermined habitual

It is been a long time I have not updated any status or interesting event. Currently been busy dealing with studies and assignments, and it has been hectic months to me to muddle through with and literally yes – incidents occurred precipitously in an interval of desolation.

I am emotionally overwhelmed in recent times… when we were in the car, I used to hold your hand tightly and we saw an old man and women holding their hands securely when they walk past the roomy paths, it gradually reminds me of you… didn’t we promised each other we would be doing exactly what they did when we have grown old, spending time and treasure each other till both of our existence has ordinarily being faded from time to time.

To make a decision at that particular moment it wasn’t easy to me as the implausible factors distracted me and leaving no room to me. I could hardly breathe and it diverted me to another cold, impassive, colorless and dreadful dimension where the people who walk past the dimension usually their shadows were lugging a heavy bag pack of memories bricks, each of these bricks stored an array of unforgettable & precious memories – those memorable moments with their loved ones. Though it was a heavy and intolerable parcel, nonetheless they are willing to carry the parcel for the sake of the remembrance of hardship and countless time where they have devoted to build the compacted puzzles with a paramount of strong feelings and devotions. Toward the end, the puzzle has been divided into several parts and it cannot be join together as it used to be a perfect representation. How fragile the connection is to be compared with an ordinary…

I remembered when you’re working as a part time promoter for several days. You were busy and hardly allocate time to accompany me but I took the initiative to visit you, bringing you some delighted foods and stuffs. You were so happy and images of your gleaming smiles was sealed inside my mind till the very present moment, it exists.. and certain time before I am asleep, it will appear on my mind and I’ve on tenterhooks hoping that I am able to pause the crucial moment - the unprecedented moment where we spent our precious time together and it's irreplaceable, nothing could be replace…

Lately I’ve been listening to Whitney’s song, her vocal is unarguably strong, resilience and powerful. It touches my heart from time to time whenever I am listening to most of her hits.

Didn’t we almost have it all – by Whitney Houston. I could not imagine if… and if… at the crucial moment if the decision that has been made by me is not the one that I’ve been done it by the past, does the surrounding changes invoke the present? It hurts me while in the process of updating the blog, It’s been sometime I’ve never felt such disoriented feelings which would literally hemmed me in tears, perhaps I should stop… and stop where...

Shall be continued…

An unadulterated nightfall

Well it’s about a couple of weeks I have not been blogging, there are so many works out there for me to be done within a timeframe and I am chasing the little pony exhaustively from one field to another, how weary was it!

It’s been a while there are so many incidents I’ve been encountered for, certainly it wouldn’t surprise me to be subjected to the mistakes I’ve been made throughout the elongated progression.. Basically just adjusting my disposition from time to time, guess it was contracting though... Perhaps an indefinite…?

In another seven weeks’ time I will be completing my dip level and moving on to degree. At the present, every one of us (duh friends) were having a lugubrious confusion as regards to the focal issue – “Which major to choose? Which one is better? Which one is more demanding in the market? Which one is more secured towards our future and the consistency of the workloads? Blablabla...” *endless doubts and uncertainties appeared when this humorless matter came across our mind. Guess one of the most effective way would be having an appointment with a professional module counselor in our university and seeking for their foremost advises would temporarily subjugated the unhinged doubts which be seen to be disarrayed in addition to lugging one out of nowhere from the deserted little region... How aggravating life is!* well put it aside first, not going to deal with it within a long reckless weekday…

Besides a deck of documentation or reports for programming, literally been caught up with a bunch of … to be continued. 

Prolonging the indisposed processes...

Recently been dealing with all sort of predicaments...
I am really tired at this moment, I could hardly breathe and I wish I could draw in a smooth gulp of air to my instinctive characteristics on behalf of my concentration on studies throughout the unbounded days of incessantly.
I used to think in this way, perhaps I have a strong self-possessed trait and it has been devoured from part of my thoughts. Most of the time I might be taking things for granted and sometimes I could barely feel or be connected with other’s feelings while in an occasional phenomenon or any events. It doesn’t matter anyway, sooner or later we will be detached by our own selections, or perhaps there might be an objective in anticipation of one’s inclination that drives a great desire towards our goal, an ornamental decoration by its whimsical beliefs... possibly...

Time flies and I couldn’t believe two years has passed since the day when I was looking up information via internet for several courses and of course, a good uni/col is definitely important for a student during their studies. Everything begins from two years ago and in reality everything has changed, perhaps the changes around me had convincingly emphasized the existence of matureness among my companions and I believe the dissimilar entities for every variations could turn out to be an unconventional scene for everyone.. or maybe... it’s time to let off the past.
Greater part of the stories does not ordain to be ostracized an ending in such a way. It should be prescribed in a prodigious, influential or a decent setting rather than an old mythical anecdote. It’s nearly 2 months I have not been blogging and in the same time, mellifluous memories from the past had indecorously strained and the feelings surrounded me could divulge _ _ as if I’m being endorsed by James dean. In recent times there are too many incidents for me to put in writing or to correspond with numerous nostalgias.

would recommend everyone to click the play button on below.. What a beautiful song from Beyoncé latest album – 4, Title of the song ‘Rather Die Young’. I found this song by watching a youtube clip – Beyoncé’s Year of 4, the video was correlated to her works (4 album), her personal life and how she manage herself to be a humble and successful person while she’s encountering with her huge career in music industry. The length of the video is quite long actually, but it was nice as the documentary merge in most of the nice songs (chorus part) from her new album and she remained to be as gorgeous and elegant as she used to be. From my first impression, this song prominently impart the sense of… an outstanding atmosphere where both divas – Mariah and Alicia keys’ genre is stir together and the feelings towards my sensitivity is definitely unique.. It’s so addictive…

Undoubtedly you’re the one I care for and a single call of yours could precipitously turn my mood on the spur without further fluctuations.. I am so inured to your perceives, ever since it had been an “exquisite hallucination” for me to live on, in every single seconds, minutes nor hours possibly will impinge on the contemporary ‘me’ on my emotional and spiritually acceptances… Will be continued.

An unequalled denunciation

It’s been months I have not updated my blog and certainly I do not have much time spending on my new beloved instrument – my organ. Have not been learning any new pieces ever since few months ago when I have started my work and so forth... Guess I really need to move forward on learning some nice and comforting music to please my mom and undoubtedly yes, been bored by reiterating the same songs and melodies - ‘again and again’.


Forgetting the past isn’t as easy as saying, it takes one’s effort and passion to overcome the acrimonious pain set off from the past and certainly uncertainties happened upon accepting the new ones isn’t flabbergast, as it may seize the wind out of your sails from nowhere. From the beginning I thought this connection could prolonged as time goes by but I did not expect that what is happening on next could unreservedly affected my mood and I didn’t know that actually I am having a strong intensity on your attempts, all the changes that have been made by you throughout these months. I really appreciate and honestly I am touched by the little things you have did for me without hesitation or being grumpy, nor searching for excuses for being indecorous.


I will not expect too much from you.. that you may...
and I know you have been given up your hope…
thank you for every little things that you have did from the past, it simply enlightened me in different ways and sorry for hurting you deeply, I knew there isn’t anything that I could do may perhaps solely fix and reimburse the pain which caused by me, you have cheered me up when I am suffering from depression or having dilemmas on dealing with relations with my friends and family. You’re one of the best person I’ve ever met, and thanks for everything. I have never received such a beautiful birthday card throughout these years and all the amazing stuff from someone else; unquestionably you are the first one who crafted these beautiful memories in my heart.


I know there is nothing much left for me to say,
maybe this would be the last interval of impediment between you and me,
you should just forget everything about the past and move on your life,
and I sincerely thank you for everything you did for me.


If you persist to pull me down controvert the truth that you still.. This will be the last chance given to you, it's up to you anyway.. if you could be honest to me and appreciate the past, we could be friend. if you don't, I will not hold you despite the fact I will just ignore and not going to bother every single...

It leads to a decisive remainder...

It's midnight now, 2:02am while I’m awake and longed for something which it does not belongs to me and be resolute not to accept the realties where... well having the determination to continue a new post for my blog. Recently not much changes in my life, guess there are certain divergences needed to be attached to my personal’s goal list sequentially for me to move on to further level. It’s good to have two weeks of holidays, however it’s been a bored and clueless weeks for me to figure it out one’s thoughts and specifying the outcomes. I’m fed up with all the setbacks and worries regarding on certain issues. I’m not sure whether my feelings is shrouded or neither suppressed with different kinds of deceives or actualities, however there is nothing I could do to unravel one’s masquerade, merely follow the crowds and trusting someone with no doubt whenever it comes to decision making or indicative of conveying truths from one individual to another. It’s really hurt as you may feel your heart is pierce by a pair of sharp carving knifes when you are nobody among a circle of people and gradually sling out from the game. You would merely consider that I may be imprudent despite of holding on something which it doesn't belongs to me and it may realistically drag my soul...


How nice if I could read one’s mind and continually be abreast of a person needs and desires. How pathetic for a person like me who live through all the pain and yet putting up myself a pair of virtuous sight and constantly carrying hypocritical smiles and sometimes I couldn’t been bothered to put it on to my face when an encouraging face of yours precipitously appeared on my mind and at that moment everything seemed deceased, dreadful indeed. Each and every beautiful moment of us had entirely concealed inside my heart, from the beginning it was preordained to be a delightful moment when all of these vivid images were gradually projected on my mind. Nevertheless times are vindictive, vicious pain happens to me when realization begins, it’s unavoidable and these images begins to fade, and everything seems cold and uninteresting, realities has started to transpire as pieces of broken mirror with dull gleam and smudged flickering images, imperceptibly brought sorrowfulness toward the back of the beginning and everything's caused by these forsaken predicaments which filled up with endless despairs.
I couldn’t predict what will happen near the future, but I am assertive on these doubts that I am able to overcome it and literally…

Flawed Intricacy

It’s been sometime I did not have time to update my blog nor sharing any most up to date news or matter. Well at this time I could not fall asleep yet, therefore decided to update some of my major conversions and come to pass issues.

At this night, I rather felt mystifying on certain issues and having uncertainties about someone who meant a lot to me. It was raining heavily now... I have locked myself in the room and unhurriedly unlock the window. Cooling breezes across the wind and miniature drops has gently flown towards me, beautiful tender melodies from the piano moving pleasantly through the unobtrusive ambiance… everything seemed to be quiet, calmed and ordered.

Right now it is really confusing for me to decide whether to follow the consciences way or look right through the path where I believed it would be far assertive by exploring and discover the inner...



Mariah’s through the rain is one of her greatest song from her solo album. Lyric of this song has exceptionally channeled the strengths and comforts one’s spiritually relief. What a lovely song…
Make it through the rain…
I will make it through the rain no matter what happens! It’s time to go to bed now.
The following part will be continued...
let's hope everything will be resolved and it is leading me to the right...

Occurrence of exceptional views

It's been sometime I have never create any new post for my blog.
I am quite busy recently, got to deal with my work and studies.
Well I will just update some of my recent works and interesting pictures during a trip.
Throughout the day of weariness, well finally I have got some time for playing my Electone and doing some minor recordings.


I have created one music video, uploaded to Youtube. The title of this video – AYURA.
Ayura means a life, the existence of a life form in Japanese.
I love this song so much. It’s evocative, simply expressive towards deliverance of my tears. This song carry out harmonious tunes from each and every beat of the rhythm and it has been inflected the ambiance of my living hall by repeatedly playing it.
[Once you have clicked the play button, please select HD 720p/1080p for a better audio quality playback]

[Once you have clicked the play button, please select HD 720p/1080p for a better audio quality playback]
Recently I’ve visited Sekinchan, this place was located nearby Kuala Selangor. 
I am in love with the peaceful Kampung and the ambient over there.
Just going to upload some pictures to portray the attractive and delightful outlooks of Sekinchan’s paddy field and beach (Pantai Redang).

[Do view these pictures in high resolution mode by clicking it]

[Do view these pictures in high resolution mode by clicking it]

It's time for me to go to bed now, the story shall be continued. ^_^